Nov 12

There are certain days I definitely feel my age here. Not so much age but definitely experience. I see these young kids with such eagerness and optimism and I'm jealous to the core. I remember being like that. I still am at times. But I'm definitely tired too. And sometimes too realistic.

Before the last curtain call of The Pajama Game, I was telling a few friends I always take a deep breath before the final bow of a run of a show and take it in because who knows if it's the last bow I'll ever take, especially as a lead role. I can remember doing that for the past 10-12 years. Luckily it's never been true. They said that was a sad way to look at it and I said it might be, but it's absolutely true. There is no guarantee that I'll get cast again. The world doesn't owe me anything. I could get in an accident today and never perform again. Who knows. I look at it as somewhat optimistic to take in a final bow and be thankful for being born into this life and having the opportunity to allow my talents to affect people. I wouldn't want to leave the stage with the idea of "screw this show, I'm ready for the next one", cause I'm sorry, there might not be another one. I went 5 years without getting a show. Sometimes months without getting a callback.

I look at the university setting and realize how damn easy it is. Here are some main stage shows, most likely you'll get in one. If you don't, here are a whole bunch of studios you can do a show in if you put it up yourself. (Oh, by the way, if you want to do that in NYC, it'll cost you at least 1200 dollars). Want to act every day? Ok. Want to sing everyday? Here are some practice rooms. (If you want to do that in NYC for an hour, that'll cost you too). Want to write something and have actors all over the place to act in it? Go at it. Need a professor to look at some of your material and give you feedback? I've never had a problem. (NYC? acting sessions can run you up to 100 dollars).

So yes. I realize I might be over eager in my not taking things for granted, but it's so God damn easy here. It can only be as hard as you make it. Unfortunately, I make it very hard for myself. I think it's because I know what's on the other side. But according to a few of my professors, it's better that I keep those stories to myself. So I will. To those in NYC who are reading this and nodding, I won't let you down. I've received some very angry texts from you that hate that I get to go to class every day and play. I know it, and I'm sorry. I promise I'll still look back in a couple years and regret not doing more.