56th Day of Summer

Oh yeah, my blog. I watched something on the news the other night about how some people are making money off of their blogs, so if you could tell your friends and I could gather 5000 or so followers, I'd appreciate it.

Let's see, New York decided to make an appearance to the 21st century. The gays can get married, or as my dad says "Do they not see married people, why do they want to torture themselves????" I have to agree with the far right, homosexuals getting married is going to ruin the "sanctity" of marriage...... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!???!! The sanctity?? Sanctity?? You might be able to come up with a lot of arguments why you're against it, but please keep sanctity out of the equation. Have you watched tv lately?? Do you see who is holding up the sanctity of marriage in our country? Britney Spears, Dennis Rodman, Elizabeth Taylor, Lindsay Lohan, the entire casts of the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, Larry King, Hugh Hefner, and everyone else who has made their marriages last as long as Britney Murphy's drug career.

I would comfortably say I have a couple hundred friends who are in openly gay relationships. Most of them put my heterosexual friends relationships to shame. Hell, they put my past relationships to shame. There might be large groups of people who would give me a list of "facts" why this law shouldn't have passed. I'm truly hoping that none of these protestors are either women or a member of a minority race. Guess what? I never lived through the civil rights movement or when women weren't allowed to even sit in a classroom or church, but I'm assuming it's about the same thing. Here are people, who are happy WITH THE WAY THEY WERE BORN, and want the same rights everyone else gets. Isn't that what Martin Luther King wanted? Or Virginia Woolf? Or Betty Friedan? Now the names are George Takei or Rosie O'Donnell. I think we made a huge turning stone this week and I bet when my generation's kids are my age, they won't be able to think of a time when homosexuals couldn't get married. The same way that I don't remember blacks not being allowed to vote. Or women holding a public office. Or minorities being allowed to play on professional sports teams. I mean this is the white heterosexual male's country!! At least that's what we told all the native americans before we took the land and killed all of them. Duh.

But.........I do believe in change. I do believe in progress. I believe living in the stone age prohibits our growth. I believe times change and we adapt to those changes. But it takes some time and patience. I remember when the no smoking law hit NYC while I was bartending and we were convinced all of our jobs would disappear, no one would go out anymore, and people would rather buy a six pack and smoke in their apartments than have to go out to a smoke free bar. We were wrong. It took about 6 months for everyone to figure out how it was going to work, but 10 years later, no one thinks twice about the rule now. And it's spread across the country but it's not made a big deal of anymore. People adapt.

Gay rights has been a hot topic for years. Extremely hot. So hot that half of our country thinks the other half wants to kill them all and send them to hell. The "God Hates Fags" church appears at military funerals to protest. I can't believe no one has shot them yet. I'm very surprised by that. When this law passed last week, the first people I thought of were some of my closest friends who have been together for years and can now share the same bond that my parents have. Men who have lived together for 20 years and love each other the same amount they did the first day. Women who tell there co workers that they've been dating each other for 5 years and get the response, "Wow, I didn't even know you were gay".

So the next morning rolls around and the news on all the stations are how the law passed in NYC and everyone's reaction to it. And my worst fear came to light. CNN cuts to a celebration, most likely in Chelsea, from the night before and you would think Studio 54, La Cage aux Folles, and Ru Paul's drag show looked like they were having an orgy. Now..... as someone who lived in NYC, I know where these parties were and most likely us actors would have ended up somewhere near them if I lived there, but here I was in Orlando Fl watching 4 men in body glitter and thongs grind up on 3 drag queens wearing extremely flamboyant pink feather costumes. I smiled. I was so happy for them. But then I thought of the 6 men sitting in a bar in Mississippi who don't even think they have seen a gay person in their life thinking that this was what this law meant. The "freaks" getting their way. The reason people are prejudiced and racist is because they usually don't understand. They have preconceived stereotypical images in their head that are the worst of what they can imagine. I was upset at CNN for not helping this "change" be shown for how special it really is for so many millions of Americans. I wanted to see the young couples. The older couples. The couples that defined exactly what love means and how happy they were. This is why the theater community rose up together. We have so many friends who feel equal. That they can hold their head up high. That they fought and won.

There will always be hate in this country. For every race, gender, and orientation. Hate crimes will continue to happen and that's just sad. This law is not going to change anyone's mind over night. But I do think that over time this will come to be a thing of the past. We'll laugh that we kept a group of Americans on the back of the bus or out of the church. We'll change and grow together. People will think that NY has given rights to their "images" of what homosexuality is, but they're wrong and we as a people have to grow up and realize that we are here for each other. We only slow ourselves down if we're against one another. We make people aware. We do our job to promote how much good all of us can do. As someone in the heterosexual community, I hope we don't ever let the gay community down. You know the people you can count on. Congratulations.

30th Day of Summer

A lot calmer of a day. I know some of you said couldn't wait to see what happened on day #2 but we started off with sitting on the couch watching mickey mouse and pouring cheerios. Much easier than the bread instructional video. After that we ventured off to Cedar Point. This was a whole new experience of an amusement park for me. It was just me and her.

After getting into the park and looking at all the big rides and being jealous of all the high schoolers who were going to the upside down, twisty, corkscrewy, fasty, and screaming rides..... Tatum and I went into the Hello Kitty store and she told me about all the characters and more facts that I forgot by the time we walked out. We braved it and rode the Merry Go Round. I rode a rabbit in honor of my roommate, Russell. Then we went to Snoopy Land. Yup, next to Snoopy Land is the...well, I don't know the name of it but it should be called "Holy Shit this ride is awesome!!" I watched them as I was lifted up and down on the Snoopy submarine. From there we got icees and made our way to Camp Snoopy to see the shows.

After getting lost, three times, we found snoopy land and we instantly went to the Tatum's favorite ride, The Jr. Gemini. This is a roller coaster that is actually pretty good for very young kids. It's "just right" for them. The downfall is it takes longer to get strapped in than the ride actually lasts so they let you go twice. She rode that 7 times. We didn't put our arms down once the whole time! Probably more of feat for her than me. I was trying to grab the tree limbs as we went by. Another icee later and a corndog, we went to see the Peanuts Gang dance. Holy crap. It was 90 degrees, these actors were in full costume, probably 130 degrees inside and had to dance for all..... 4 of us. There were more characters than people watching. My need to take care of the uncomfortableness set in and I made a fool of myself and did more entertaining than the characters who looked like they'd rather be at the hello kitty store.

After that was Karaoke with Snoopy. "With" is a stupid word here since sweaty actor playing Snoopy just stood there and gave high fives. Since the place was packed with Tatum and I, she of course got embarrassed and guess who sang at the 3'4" microphone stand: Uncle Jason. I tore the place up with killer rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and when I busted into my opera voice Tatum curled up in a ball and looked around in case any of her boyfriends saw her. Tatum still didn't want to sing but I finally convinced her to sing the alphabet song. I told her it was in alphabetical order so she should have no problem. She sang it and the girls working the gig told her how great she was. Of course she was! She's my niece!

But this brings me to my lesson of the day. After we left karaoke with standing silent Snoopy, I asked her why she was so hesitant of singing. Surprisingly she said "It was embarrassing". There were 2 girls, a standing sweaty Snoopy, and eventually a father and son and she was embarrassed. To some this wouldn't be big news. Kids get embarrassed, they get shy and hide. But I have been doing soul searching lately that would leave Buddha amazed and the issues I'm finding with shame, embarrassment, fear, and risk taking seems like it's something learned in life. We as humans are scared to death of embarrassing ourselves. Shame tears or insides apart. We fear showing someone that we aren't as good as we want to be and that will destroy our future and opinions made of us. If we can avoid looking bad in front of someone, we will. We'd rather do nothing than something if it meant we'd be comfortable. We prefer to only do things we're good at and are quick to point out when someone doesn't do something that is up to our standards. OUR standards. If people lived up to OUR standards, the world would be much better. At the age of 35, I understand the logic of this and see that it happens. But a 6 year old? Where does that core emotion of embarrassment stem from? What does this girl have to fear by doing something. What in our society has started those feelings at such an early age? Let's say she sings and does awful, what deep feeling has already formulated inside her that she has fear of the consequences. We all live with fear. Most problems we suffer from are all fear based. Fear of ___. What in the hell does a 6 yr old have to fear? This isn't about her personally, she just opened my eyes to this question that has been floating around in my head for awhile.

To be in front of someone is being vulnerable. We hate to be vulnerable because it usually leads to pain. By protecting our vulnerability, we protect ourselves from pain. Has she experienced pain? And if so, what kind of pain does a young child experience that we forget about as we get older? We hate to be wrong. We would give anything not to be wrong. Kids are always wrong. What difference do they know?

The funny thing about this story is if you asked my family to name the two people who were always the center of attention, they'd name me and Tatum. But when I looked at her saying that today, it's the curse that haunts every performer I saw in her behavior. As much as we perform, entertain, make people feel included, are the first to volunteer for anything..... we possess a fragile side of us that doesn't coincide with what we do. It's what has held as back as artists for centuries. We are scared to embarrass ourselves. We are afraid to be wrong. We are scared to be negatively judged. We are one pin prick away from everything we know ourselves to be from exploding into nothing. Here's my frustration: If we as artists did away with those negative feelings, there is not one thing in this universe that would stop us from being able to make every thing we dream of to come true. To change the world. To create art that was more powerful than any other force. But........ we're scared..... so it doesn't happen.

I was able to think through all this while she rode the bumper boats and Snoopy bounce house. Later, we got back to the car and it took her about 30 seconds to fall asleep. I didn't need to ride those big rides. I had the most fun thing with me the whole day.

29th Day of Summer

For all of you who have kids, you're going to laugh in my face. For those who know me, you're going to laugh in my face.

1st Day of Babysitting my 6 yr old niece, Tatum.

7:30 am- Woke up to her face right in mine saying "Uncle Jason, daddy told me to wake you"

7:37 am- Finally got my whereabouts and got up. She had been standing at the door for the past 7 minutes waiting to come downstairs with her.

7:45 am- Received instructions from the task master that she would like her toast not toasted, with butter, and no crusts. She reminds me not to forget the blueberries.

7:50-7:52 am- Looked around the kitchen for her vitamins until she rolled her eyes at me and got them herself.

8 am- I finally had my morning pee

8:20 am- Watched 10 minutes of some acid induced thing that was on the Disney channel with her until I started playing Pink Floyd to see if it matched up with the video.

8:30 am- Put on Peter Pan for her

8:32 am- Sat down to some light reading of the 9/11 Commission Report

8:33 am- Had to chase and kill the huge fly that was flying around her

9:02 am- Successfully killed the fly

9:07 am- She got tired of Peter Pan and we played Barbie cars on the back porch

9:10 am- Called the prince by the wrong name and she rolled her eyes and left me to play by myself.

10 am- She informed me of her bathroom going ons

10:15 am- She thought I was ridiculous when I told her about mine

11 am- Got into argument because I didn't know any fancy ways to "do" her hair. Was informed that brushing it did not consist of "doing anything" with her hair. I tried to use the excuse that I was a boy and didn't know anything fancy. She challenged me with the fact that my brother is a boy but no one was there to laugh when I said "Not really". She rolled her eyes and said "what about a clip". She didn't find it funny when I replied "What about it?".

11:15 am- She got dressed and I put her hair up as close to what I thought Cindi Lauper would have worn in 1984.

11:17-11:22 am- Looking for a bandaid because the small cut on her foot is rubbing against her sock until she rolls her eyes at me and gets the bandaid herself. She does not find it amusing after I put the bandaid on I fake that I have paddles in my hands and have to shock her heart back to life. She rolls her eyes and walks away.

11:30 am- Went to Dave and Busters to play games. All of the waitresses gave me a lot of attention cause it looked like....well face it....I was fucking adorable walking in with her and us laughing with each other.

11:45 am- She hits the jackpot on the fishing game and wins 1000 tickets. I'm so proud.

12:06 pm- I teach her how to play skeet ball and she gets a 20 and says that's the most she ever got and I start getting teary eyed.

12:10 pm- I flirt with most of the waitresses

12:17 pm- Security notifies me that they found her.... her who?

1:00 pm- We leave Dave and Busters with an oversized horse and I make her say "I love you so much UNCLE Jason loud enough for everyone there to hear.

1:08 pm- She complains that the air isn't on in the car. I haven't started the car yet.

1:30-3pm- We eat lunch and both watch the Disney channel and I watch dozen of teen actors who have more talent than their writers and actually get sucked into the plot of some shows and even get upset a few times that the realism was skipped over at a few places.

1:32 pm- Finally can put Selena Gomez's face with the name. Please don't become the next Lindsay.

3pm- She wants to go over to her neighbor's house to play and they play until 4 while I read the 9/11 Commission Report and figure out how to get Osama and Al Qaeda into my show without shoving it down the audiences' faces. They want to murder infidels, but more importantly Americans, and not women and children, because all of us are infidels.

4:15 pm- Have a tea party with Tatum, the 2 horses, and the baby Tiana doll.

4 pm- Ride bikes around the block a couple times and try to teach her how to get the pedal to go around while scooting the bike up. She sucks in a lot of air and blows it out to show her frustration. It is then I realize she will look back at this moment in the future and realize why she despises me.

6:00 pm- She practices piano, I tell her if she curled her fingers more.... before I can finish she rolls her eyes and says "I got it".

6:02 pm- I shoot her with tranquilizers and put her to bed. See you tomorrow.

Memorial Day of Summer

Usually Memorial Day starts the beginning of summer, but hell, I'm going on a month of vacation so far. I feel like it's the middle. By the time 4th of July rolls around, I'll be back to school shopping. Plus...... I get to WEAR WHITE NOW!!!!! (In an Oprah/gay sounding voice)

Well, today Coach Tressel "resigned". The sweater vest is gone. The truth of the matter is that every single college program does this with their student athletes, but just a few get caught. OSU got caught. Please don't feel your program is all high and mighty because you think you're squeaky clean.... the higher profile the school is, the more the shit goes down. The Beatles were once thought to be squeaky clean when compared to the Rolling Stones. Guess what... Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds and Octopus's Garden aren't diddies they composed while playing Trivial Pursuit.

I am upset with how it went down at OSU with all of this but I'm not going to be the one who points fingers or tries to spin it to make us look like we're being unfairly treated. Yeah, life ain't fair. You know the rules, if you break the rules, you pay the consequences. End of story. That's why we hate lawyers so much who try to get serial killers off for a loophole in the system. We get pissed when we get pulled over for speeding when we know very well that the guy next to us was going faster than we were, or the pretty girl was going the same speed but happened to have pretty eyes so she didn't get a ticket.

We hate being wrong. We hate admitting guilt. We hate being embarrassed. I laugh at the hardcore conservatives and liberals who are able to spin every single issue that their party failures are the other party's fault. When did "I fucked up. Sorry" become a taboo statement? It's maybe because I feel I have said that so much in my life that it's gotten kind of watered down for me. What is it about being wrong that destroys our insides and our existence?

Why is Charlie Sheen fascinating? He admits to everything! What makes Tiger Woods an idiot? He gives a poopy apologetic press conference that didn't include the phrase "I fucked a lot of whores and liked it. Sorry." Barry Bonds? Do you think the constant denial will make it all go away? Clinton sucked because older Bush sucked. Newer Bush sucked because Clinton sucked. Obama sucked because newer Bush sucked. Guess why the next president will suck? (None of these are factual statements, but it's pretty easy to just accept it right?)

I know we have to lie to save our asses sometimes and drown someone to save ourselves other times, but I'm starting to feel that people who can't come clean and admit they're wrong come across extremely weak. I love Jim Tressel and I think he's one of the greatest things to have ever happened to Ohio State, but if he felt he was innocent, he would have fought with his life to keep his job. Those players put him in an awful situation. He didn't handle it correctly. There's probably a lot more we don't know about and hope to sweep under the rug so others can't talk shit about us. Yeah there's the Reggie Bush's and Cam Newton's, some bullshit gets through the cracks. But if life was fair, my mom wouldn't have had to hold me so many times growing up and convincing me that you be the best person you can possibly be and sometimes you get the breaks and sometimes you don't. Life owes you nothing. There is no contract that says if you do this you will get that. Roll with the punches, learn from your mistakes, and hopefully the mistakes will appear less and less.

Twentieth-twenty fifth days of summer

The Orlando Theater Fringe Festival. One of the first times I have been remotely close to feeling at home down here. I wasn't expecting it to be so big (that's what she said). The details of the event and the genuine and honest passion for the art is overwhelming. I've never met so many humble people before..... who are actors, writers, and creators. I have been stunned numerous times this week seeing a show and expecting someone to come out "That's right! I'm talented! Like my shit, bitches!". But no, I finally have that sense of community that artists are looking to one another and saying, "let's help each other survive" because if we don't, we could disappear very soon.

I've been so proud of the cleverness, risk taking, and openness of the material I've seen. I saw three one man shows and each one I wanted to thank them for leaving themselves on the stage. They all did it for the work. I haven't witnessed one person who has acted that they're better than anyone else. Actually only once, and it's ironic, or maybe not, that they were the only annoying person I came across. It's been a celebration in so many ways and I haven't even been able to take in the majority of it. One person can only do so much.

The friendliness and acceptance all around has been so satisfying. I've been able to talk to absolutely anyone I wanted to and no one is rattling off their resume or asking what you can do for them. Did you just order some food and need a place to sit? Sit anywhere. There are no cool kids tables here. We're all in the same theater geek club here.

Congratulations to all the writers, directors, and actors for a wonderful week of theater. I was invited to see some shows I never would have picked in a million years and all left me with no ideas for my writing and performing. David Lee gave an unforgettable performance and worked his way through a false fire alarm without missing a beat. How good was it? The entire crowd didn't move a muscle when the alarm went off and all prayed silently that it was a false alarm. Once we found out it was false, we blocked out the flashing strobe light that was meant to save lives and listened and concentrated on where David would take us next. Supposedly for me, it was up on stage..... thanks David.

I worry about the future of our art form and know that the passion will always be there, but fear the money won't. It was so refreshing to walk into a community that seemed to leave all egos at the door and celebrate what we were born to do. Thank you.

Nineteenth Day of Summer

First Osama. I hear Zsa Zsa is in a coma. I heard Kinecky from Grease is in a coma. I don't know how much more I can bare..... but Mr. Savage. Damn, this news came to a shock to me today. I remember watching him as a kid on the television. I admired him and hoped I would be just like him one day. I remember the first time he kissed Winnie Cooper. He spoke for kids my age and told a great story for parents my parents age. I remember his trials and tribulations going through middle school and high school. Who can forget how amazing he was in The Princess Bride? Having a story told to him by his grandpa on a sick day. His sitcom career faded a bit and a couple awful pilots that made it on fro a couple episodes. You were too young Fred Savage. Too young.

Eighteenth Day of Summer

Blogger was down. SoI slacked. Missed 9 days. The Indians are still in first place but I always tiptoe when it comes to Cleveland sports.

"Level of commitment gives level of presence"

"Presence requires being aware. It requires you allowing others to have an impact on you"

"Confidence is static. Determination is active"

"Talking about acting is like thinking about swimming. Neither one does anything"

"What is required for making art is insatiable curiosity"

"A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great simple images in whose presence his heart first opened"

"Your passion must be greater than your chains or you cannot create art"

"A diamond is a lump of coal that has stuck with it"

" Should we artists align ourselves with the sane , or shall we take a chance, and walk with our pain, or the pain of others- in order to tell their stories perhaps- to let them know that someone understands?"

"Faith requires discipline and a lot of imagination"

"I take my foolishness very seriously"

As an actor, to be fully in "the moment" and to embrace every thing that is happening in the moment, there is absolutely no room for judgement. Judgement on yourself, on others, or moments that are happening. I find this hysterical because I think actors are the most judgmental people in the entire world and I believe no one is talented enough to turn it on and off when they are on stage. The only way to become judge free on stage is to become judge free in real life. When I'm done trying to change peoples' minds about that I'm going to take on the challenge of running a marathon under two hours.