All I want for Christmas this year is for all those close to me (and those who aren't) to not stop smiling for the whole next year. However you're able to do that, I would really appreciate it. I think the world would appreciate it. Give the gifts of jobs, babies, health, trusting relationships, healthy relationships, family bonding, financial security, homecoming soldiers, safety, and knowledge to all those who wish for it and maybe need it. You're Santa. I know you can do it. You were able to get me all of the WWF wrestlers, GI Joe's, and Transformers when I was growing up and my stocking was always filled with candy. What's a little world peace and happiness to throw in a bag or two? Tell your wife hi for me. I bet she's still smoking hot in your eyes and I hope she gives your chestnuts a little snuggle when you get done tonight. Give those elves a break. Their union leaders have been draining you and it's not their fault. I hope you enjoy all of your cookies at each house. I noticed you were putting on a few at the mall, so when January comes, most gyms have membership discounts and I'd love to work with you on thinking of a whole body regiment.
I am very envious of you that you are able to make so many children happy all in one day. It's something I hope to accomplish one day without having to live in such a frozen tundra and cleaning up reindeer poop. But you're pretty powerful, I bet you have someone to do that for you. It's 1:11 am and you're probably making your way to the east coast now. A lot of kids are trying to stay awake to meet you, but you're a sly one. You always know how to show up the moment they fall asleep. But as I said earlier on in the letter. If you could keep the adults on your list in mind as you stop by each home, I think we'd really appreciate it. It's fun to open presents one day a year, but much more beneficial if you can supply some people with the gift that keeps on giving. Like the jelly of the month club, but different.
Oh, and since I'll be in Ohio this year, you don't have to stop at my apartment in Florida. Buuuuut, if you want to stop by the guys who live above me and give them softer feet, slippers, and a padded rug, I don't think anyone would look down on you.
Thank you for making each year magical and bringing such joy to people. I'll see you next year, hopefully a few pounds thinner.