I'm heading to NYC on Saturday. I have so many mixed emotions about it that it doesn't even seem real right now. The last time I was in NY was early June. I couldn't have packed my car fast enough because the next few months were going to be extra perfect and the few years after that were going to be even better. Well that all went to hell and I feel the good memories of NYC died with it. I wasted a lot of time in NY doing nothing. I was there for 12 years and saw and experienced about 10% of the art I should have. But that's in the past. I live for the present. What's going on right now? I want to go there. See some friends. See some shows. Laugh. Remember. Walk. Run. Jump on crowded subways. Push my way through Times Square. Go to my favorite places that only real New Yorkers know about. Hopefully see my buddy who defines the word friendship, Derek O'ShitHead. Possibly get a crack whore to give me a handy on 10th Ave for free because she digs my personality.
This will be the first time I can remember that I will be in NYC with absolutely no agenda. I won't have to go to one of my 4 jobs. I have no auditions....planned. I won't have money weighing down my brain for every step I take. I might actually experience NYC the way it should be experienced next week. I might wake up and decide to go to a museum. Why? Because I don't have jack sit to do. Of course I have a paper on Martin McDonagh, a paper on Sam Shepard, and a shitload of music to learn for when I get back. But hey, if that city can't fucking empower me and inspire me, where else can it? I realize I'm cussing a lot more. I think my brain realizes I'm going home.
I want to see Spiderman get stuck. I want to sit on the third floor of my bar after we close and bullshit with everyone till morning. I want to walk through Central Park. I want to take hundreds of pictures through the eyes of someone who hasn't seen the place in a while. I want a NY slice!! I want to hear my favorite barbershop quartet on the 4/5 train. I want to sit in the nasty seats of UCB and laugh harder than I've ever laughed at a scripted show. I want to walk the streets and wonder, "what happened to 22 year old Jason? Where did his dreams go? Where did the time go? How did he end up in Florida 12 years later? What is that smell? Why didn't I see more shows? Did I make out with that girl at one time? Where did my acting and auditioning go wrong? Will I realize how good it is being in Florida? Will I notice the things that drove me crazy about the acting, talent, and business continuously flying around me? " I'm afraid I'll see a show or workshop or showcase and shake every last actor and say, "You're in NYC, be the best actor you can be and don't accept anything less. Because right now, you suck ass!" Yeah, there's my New York attitude!!!!!