Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Why I'm in the Minority

       I'm a white heterosexual male.  Historically, I have never had to overcome prejudices, laws that didn't benefit me, or voting or marriage issues.  These past couple weeks, I've realized that there are things about me that make me sit alone in the world.
       I don't play candy crush.  I don't even know what it looks like.  I don't know any inside jokes that come along with candy crush.  If you show me candy crush and the DNA model of a female spider, I wouldn't be able to differentiate between the two.
       When I drive, that's all I do. Drive.  I don't text, update my twitter, drive one handed, "like" my friends' facebook statuses.  When I switch lanes, I use my turn signal.  I'm able to do this because I have both hands free.  One is not attached to my left ear, which also allows me to check my blind spot when switching lanes.
       I drive the speed limit.  I don't drive 8 miles under which actually causes more wrecks than driving 4 over.  I don't come to a complete stop on merge lanes.
       At the gym, I work out.  I don't pose in the mirror.  I don't speak loudly into my cell phone while on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight because I'm working out.  I'm breathing hard.  It would be very unpleasant for the listener if I would talk to them while I was working out, which is why I went to the gym in the first place.   I don't have my leg up on the bench in the locker room and dry my taint for a good 10 minutes.  Even in the privacy of my own apartment I have never spent more than 15 seconds in the taintness region.
        These are things that I feel 98% of society does and I feel ashamed I'm on the outside looking in.
        I don't text during plays or movies.  I am able to allow myself to be immersed in the imaginary world for 2 hours of the day without worrying what is happening on the outside world.
        I am able to be in a room of 7 people and be the only person not on their phone.  I am able to enjoy the company of those around me.
        I can make it through an entire play without opening a piece of candy.  I can honestly say I've made it through 37 years of my life without eating a piece of hard candy wrapped in a plastic.  I can honestly say I have NEVER seen anyone eat or open a piece of hard candy, unless they are watching Willy Loman's final plea to the world at the end of Death of a Salesman.
       I read books.
       If given a 5 question test that will have me executed if I can't answer one correctly about any of the Kardashians, I will be executed.  Unless one of the questions is "Leave this answer blank if you don't know anything about the Kardashians"
       I would commit suicide if I ever acted like I was superior to someone working in the restaurant business, a teacher, a janitor, anyone who works..ever, anyone who has a job that allows the general public tell them what a piece of shit they are.

I am in the minority.  I demand my rights.
That's it right now.

1 comment:

  1. Yay we drive and watch plays and shows the same way!! I was seeing a friend I hadn't seen in 4 months last night, who kept complaining all night how I never come around. Yet he was on his phone texting every two minutes while I never touched my phone. I don't get it!!
    Ps, Miss your faces!!!