Sunday, September 5, 2010

Central Florida vs Ohio State

It's bigger than Otterbein and about the same size as a concert for Jack Johnson. It is Central Florida football. Since OSU played Thursday night...(why).... I was able to attend the first game of the Central Florida Golden Knights against the scrappy Coyotes of South Dakota. It was just a little different than a Buckeye game. Just an itsy bitsy teenie weenie bit different. First, size does matter. OSU has length and girth and attachments and viagara going for it. OSU seats around 102,000. UCF- 45,000. In order to get a ticket for the shoe, you have to sell your first child, sleep with Wendy Williams (girth), and take a loan out. UCF- show up 20 minutes after the game starts, and swipe your student id card, and then sit wherever you want. We sat in the third row. I must have missed the band of....100 come marching out of the non existent tunnel and make every person in the crowd tear up when they hear that drum corps pounding all the way through your chest.
I started noticing big differences right away. I had absolutely no problem using the rest room because I had no one in front of me. Then I wanted a drink, no line. Although it didn't cost me 18 dollars for a hot dog and drink. I looked around the stadium and noticed it was 80% students. I saw one little girl wearing a UCF cheerleading outfit and 3 boys trying to work their way through their cotton candy. In Columbus, we groom our children to be Buckeyes. From birth, they are told about Woody, Archie, Eddie, Chris, Beanie, A.J, Rex, Orlando, Vic, Les, Hopalong, and if we're very careful..... Maurice. We take the Columbus children to the games because it is life changing and because our parents did, their parents did, and their parents did. We learned the words to the Fight song. We learned to hate Michigan. We learned who the Neutron Man was. We knew what TBDBITL meant, and we were allowed to say damn as long as it was in that phrase. We fantasized about possibly dotting the i one day in our lives. UCF children need to learn to wear sunscreen and it's only three hours until they get to go home.
Instead O-H-I-O being yelled by different segments of the stadium, the right side yelled Black and the left side yelled Gold.....I think. Black Gold. Those are our colors, oh I get it. So we're not paying tribute to the winner of the 1924 Kentucky Derby Winner? Looked around again. No jerseys with numbers of current players or past players. Really? Not even an 8 for Mr. UCF Daunte Culpepper? Although, I would feel weird wearing the number of the kid that sat behind me in Physics class.
Hey, no one is dressed like the coach! Sweater vest and tie? With a lot more concentration and scanning, I couldn't even tell who the coach was. Was he there? Touchdown. UCF scores! Only half the crowd noticed. That's sad. During the commercial break, if it was being broadcast anywhere, ESPN national spotlight game?, they play Ozzy Osbourne and a lot of confused faces appear in the student section. Shortly after, the new Katy Perry song comes on and everyone sings along and dances. Kill me.
Did I mention there was no Donatos or Kroger Ads? I mean, I really want Donatos now. Damnit. Who is UCF's rival and does it go as far back as OSU/Michigan? I'm sure it does. Maybe it's USF or maybe the fighters from the UFC and they're fighting in honor of those 3 letters!
End of quarter 3! Bring on Hang On Sloopy! or...... is that the Jonas Brothers? It sucks, so it must be.
Side note, I don't know how to go to a college football game without wearing OSU stuff, so I did. My friends laughed because I got 5 O-H yells in the stadium. I told them to meet me at the Varsity Club and then we'd go over to Tommy's to get some pizza. After the game, I sang Carmen Ohio, traffic was awful and it took me 8 minutes to get off of campus. Arrggghhh.
Next week I can't decide if I'll watch the OSU/Miami game or UCF and NC State.

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